It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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