the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
