the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
