I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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