u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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