I think I died a long time ago.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
