maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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