2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last night I used snow as a chaser
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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