i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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