oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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