why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
