My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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