Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
