First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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