You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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