I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
