At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
