See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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