Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
