I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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