I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
