I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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