He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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