Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
