Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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