btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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