I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
