Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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