Will you blow on my dice?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
