If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize