what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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