I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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