So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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