I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize