Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
