Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
