i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
