I will die if light touches me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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