my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
