i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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