he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
