i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
