people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
