I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
