Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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