the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
