Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
