How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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