After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
