left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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