Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
