Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
