just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize