Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
