I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
two words...techno handjob
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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