u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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