please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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