I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize