i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
