I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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