i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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