I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
