yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
