Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
