How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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