Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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