I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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