i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
