her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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