mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
