Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
