walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
