I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
