What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize