make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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