The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
