apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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