New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
