After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
