Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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