At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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