i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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