I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
