Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
