You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
