It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
