He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
