i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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