remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
