a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
