your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
