Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
