dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize