what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
