I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
