If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
