so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
